Thursday, January 24, 2013

Lord, Make Me Dangerous

Dangerous living...with a little extra padding just in case

This was the beginning of a process, not a complete story by itself.  We didn't live out 7 and cross the finish line.  This adventure was something like being morbidly obese and unable to schedule a life saving surgery until losing weight first.  We had to shed and cull and purge before God can even remotely begin to deal with the serious issues.  This was presurgery business, the required fast before the real procedure. ~ 7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess by Jen Hatmaker

This, my dear readers, sums up what I have been doing for the past few months.  I have purged my entire house of excess clutter, I have purged my life of excess clutter (fear, depression, anxiety), and I am currently purging my soul of excess clutter (with a long fast).

I thought this was the end, amen.  I thought this was what God was asking me to do so I'd finally be what He wants me to be.  Apparently not.  This whole business of purging my things, my life, my heart--it's all been presurgery.  This has all been me shedding the over-the-top excess fat so I can be ready to get down to the real work.


I think this is going to hurt.

Last night I prayed that my kids would become brave and strong and dangerous.  What?  We don't want to be dangerous, they all cried.  And so I explained:  I pray that God will make you dangerous, so dangerous that demons flee when you enter the room.  Oh, okay.  That sounds good, Mom.

Today I pray, Lord, make me dangerous.  You've been preparing me for a while now, molding me into a useful soldier.  You've been telling me for a while that you have a plan for me and that you want me to do it.  I asked you many times what this plan was.  You replied: Say Yes.  To what?  Say Yes.  When?  Say Yes.  How?  Say Yes.


My life is being flipped upside down.  God warned me.  He told me almost a year ago that He was going to shake things up.  He told me that my life was about to change.  He declared this the year of Surrendering Control.  It might not be pretty, it might not be "safe," and it definitely won't be comfortable.

And so as my first act of really shaking things up, I am going to do what God has been hammering me over the head to do for months--I am going to fill out that application to start volunteering for Meals on Wheels, right now, this very minute...To be continued....okay, done.  Even though it's scary and might be inconvenient and will definitely make me feel uncomfortable at first, God keeps putting this on my heart, so there must be a reason.  Maybe that whole "taking care of widows and orphans thing."  Or maybe it will be the start of a beautiful relationship between my family and a home-bound elderly person.  Or maybe it's like that other time when it was more about the Yes than about the actual service.

Whatever the reason, it's done.  Finally.  After months of God knocking and me sticking my fingers in my ears and going tra-la-la-la-la.  (I kinda feel like one of my kids right now)

Yes, Lord.  I will do this scary thing.  Make me brave and strong and dangerous.

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