When Life Throws You Bad News

I took David to the allergist for what I thought was a routine checkup so that we could get the refill we needed on his Singulair asthma/allergy medication.  David has asthma, airborne allergies and food allergies.  I went to the appointment expecting the doctor to agree to take David off the Singulair because he's been on it for over six years and he rarely has an asthma attack (maybe six times a year and almost always in the spring and fall).

The doctor had just agreed that we could do that after the fall allergy season and then switch David to a nasal spray for peek allergy times.  But first he wanted David to do the lung function test just to be sure that his lungs were really doing okay.  He failed the test.  He has airway restriction.  So rather than leaving the appointment with less medicine, we ended up leaving with more.  We now have a peek airflow meter which David needs to use twice a day and graph his results, a daily inhaler, and instructions to start using his nasal allergy medicine.  Oh, and an asthma action plan.  We've never had one of those before.

This was not the news I was hoping for.  This was not the news David was hoping for.  In fact, he was pretty upset about it.  He was already feeling down about his food allergies after spending a week at summer camp surrounded by kids who could eat all the food while he had to have special food that I sent with him whenever they were serving something he couldn't have.  He made several comments that almost broke my mommy heart.

"I have the weakest lungs in the family."

"I could be a great runner if I didn't have asthma."

"I wish I didn't have so many allergies so I could eat whatever I wanted."

I encouraged him with the fact that he just ran a 5K with no problems (He did use his inhaler before the race as a preventative measure).  He can do whatever he wants to do, he just may need to use his inhaler.  He can eat almost everything, just not eggs, peanuts, tree nuts, fish and mangoes.  Some people have it way worse and can't eat wheat or milk.  Those would be way worse.

But inside, my heart was hurting.  I was upset myself by the whole situation.  It's hard to know that your child has these things wrong with him that you can't fix.  He is almost nine years old.  There's very little chance that he is going to outgrow his food allergies.  Statistically, it would have happened by age five or not at all.  He hopefully will outgrow his asthma as he gets older, but there's no guarantee.  He may find that his life choices are inhibited by his asthma.  He is extremely physical and loves sports a lot.  He has the genetics to be tall (he's already 4 foot 9 inches).  He is already fast.  He has the potential to go far in sports if he wanted to.  But would his lungs hold him back?  I don't know.

I was praying about my discouragement last night and God gave me the image of Him holding David in the palm of His hand.  He reminded me that He is in control of David, that He loves David more than I do.  He has a plan for David's life that includes all of his various allergies and asthma.

I can give into the desire to rail against the injustice of it all.  I can feel guilty that it's my fault for getting preeclampsia during my pregnancy with David which resulted in him being born six weeks early and having to go on oxygen because his lungs weren't fully developed.  I can blame myself for his allergies because they run in my side of the family.

Or I can keep the image in my mind of David, bodily imperfections and all, resting in the palm of Jesus' hand, safe and protected and very loved.