My Heart Searches Restlessly

My heart searches restlessly 

and finds no rest till it rests in thee.

O Seeker, you sought for me,

your love has found me;

I am taken by thee.

I learned this song at a prayer meeting this past Sunday called Prayer of Augustine by Ed Conlin.  St. Augustine wrote this prayer after having a conversion experience.  I wish I'd learned it back in the fall when I was wrestling with myself because the chorus so aptly describes what I was feeling.

When we try to do things our own way, our hearts will be restless.  I knew that I had no peace at all in my soul when I was wrestling with myself in the fall.  I craved peace.  Day after day I wrote in my prayer journal that I just wanted peace in my soul.  I tried to create peace by changing my environment--I purged my house, I cleaned and restored order.  I took on new projects.  I made sure to get my exercise in.  Yet, it wasn't enough.  I was still extremely restless.

Out of the Ashes

I didn't find the peace I craved until I figured out that the only place to find rest is in Christ.  When we let go of our own will, when we release our death grip on our lives, He is there to catch us.  He is there to flood us with peace.

Hubby says that I am a little OCD when it comes to my routine.  If my routine gets messed up, I become anxious and stressed.  From day one of homeschooling in January, my routine has been non-existent.  The only thing consistent about my life from week to week is that it's not going to be the same as the week before.  In the past, I would be a complete wreck.  I would be grumpy, snappy, and a bear to live with.

Beauty

None of these things have happened.  I'm not stressed.  I'm not anxious.  I'm nice and happy.  When I let go of my own will and trusted God, he flooded me with peace in areas I didn't even know needed flooding.  

O Seeker, you sought for me,

your love has found me;

I am taken by thee.