Stuck

Stuck in a wind tunnel

Have you ever felt stuck?  That you are certain that God wants you to do something, use your gifts, do His will--and yet you're forced to sit?  Waiting?  You're ready to go, you've got your bags packed, all in, but God just won't say GO?

You know you're following God.  You know you've heard Him.  You know He's calling you to something.  But the door is shut tight and will not budge open?

I realized something this week.  I am mad at God.

I have felt stuck for so long.  Frustrated.  Ready to bang my head against a wall.  I keep asking, "God?  Where are we going?  I'm ready."  And He is silent.  Oh is He silent.  I will get snippets of things--Go bring food to this person.  Or go do this service.  Or write a letter to someone.  Or call up a friend and invite her over.  But these are just small things.  I obey and do them, but in my heart I know that these are not the "Big Thing."

I am mad at God because I am tired of waiting.  I jumped, I expected God to act.  And nothing.  My expectations have been dashed and I am mad.  Disappointed.

At first I thought it was sort of bad to be mad at God.  Like I was committing an unforgivable sin, but then I prayed about it.  Funny how I can be mad at God yet still pray and talk to Him.  Anyway, I asked Him, "God, is it okay that I am mad at You right now?"  And God pretty much told me that it's okay to tell Him that I'm mad.  He can take it.  Because by my telling Him that I'm mad, I'm being real.  I am dealing with the root issue: I had an expectation, God didn't meet it, and I feel mad and let down.

Once I admitted that I was mad, a strange thing happened.  I laughed.  Because it is ridiculous for me to be mad at God because I'm not happy with His timing.  "God I trust You, but only if You come through on my time table."  Ya, it doesn't work that way.  

I thought about Jesus--God promised to send Jesus to earth as the perfect sacrifice for the forgiveness of our sins all the way back in the opening pages of human history.  Yet God waited thousands of years before sending Jesus to earth.  Why?  Why did He wait so long?  I imagine Jesus sitting up there in heaven saying, "Okay.  I'm ready God.  Let's do this."  Only to have God say, "Not yet."  Or during that silent gap in the Bible between ages 12 and 30, was Jesus antsy to get His ministry going?  Because if I were Jesus and knew that I was on earth to show people the way to heaven, I would be ready to go way before age 30.

But the whole timing thing.  God waited for just the right time in history to send Jesus.  Then He had Jesus wait until He was 30 to start His ministry because of timing.  John the Baptist had to prepare the way first.  And John was only six months older than Jesus, so he couldn't have been at his ministry all that long.  Then the "right" people had to be in their respective positions of power so that they would be in a place to convict Jesus and sentence Him to lashing and death.

There was so much going on behind the scenes of history that set the stage for Jesus' life and death.  Just like there is so much going on right now behind the scenes of history as God sets the stage for my life and what He is calling me to do.  To me waiting seems a lot like doing nothing.  But to God waiting looks more like me learning to trust Him, wait on Him, and obey Him.

We cannot rush God.  We can blaze our own path, but then it is our path and not God's path.  Or we can sit tight and wait for God to reveal His path.  Which also happens to be the only path that leads to life.

So I am choosing to stop feeling stuck.  Though to me it doesn't look like I am really going anywhere right now, that doesn't mean I am stuck.  It just means that God is working behind the scenes setting everything up.  Amen.