Tuesday, May 13, 2014

She Goes Dancing In The Rain

I have been feeling hum-buggy lately.  Tired, worn down, a bit of burn out.  Last week I had a lot going on, plus I had to prepare for a garage sale that we had this past Saturday.  By Sunday morning, Mother's Day, I was toast.  Sunday morning I was getting ready for the day, sat down in my closet to put on my socks, and just sat there.

It was one of those "cry out to Jesus" moments.  I looked at me, I looked at Jesus, and the words started pouring out.  Jesus, I can't do this today.  I am so tired.  I have nothing left to give.  I need You to help me.  And I sat there in my closet and cried.

Thankfully I don't get that worn down very often so this is not a common occurrence around here.

I had a rocky day which included Joy taking me by the hand and leading me to my bed to take a nap.  It involved more tears as I dealt with some other issues as well.  Lord, why am I so tired all the time?  Lord, why do I feel zero motivation to get anything done?  Lord, why did I jump off the cliff of my Anything, Lord prayer just to fall flat on my face--or so it seems?

I'm so glad each day is a new day.  I woke up Monday feeling almost back to normal.  But I knew that things needed to change a bit around here.  I have been wearing myself down too much.  I haven't been taking time for myself.  When I'm not running around town, I am home teaching, cleaning, or falling asleep because of my fatigue.

I was reading my devotional, Jesus Calling, yesterday during my prayer time, and the day's entry spoke right to my heart"

Many of My precious children have fallen prey to burnout.  You are among these weary ones, 
who are like wounded soldiers in need of R & R.  Take time to rest in the Love-Light of 
My Presence.  I will gradually restore to you the energy that you have lost over the years.

Then I read Matthew 11:28-29 Amplified Version

Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy-laden and over burdened, and I will cause you to rest.  [I will ease and relieve and refresh your souls.]  Take My yoke upon you and learn of Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest [relief and ease and refreshment and recreation and blessed quiet] for your souls.

It was like a light bulb went on in my head.  I am tired a lot.  I have low iron, low iodine, low vitamin D.  That could be the source of the problem or just part of it.  Whatever the cause, I have been worn down for a while, which has been getting me emotionally down.  I have let my tiredness define me.  And that's not who I am.  I am not a tired person.  I am not an unmotivated person.  I am not a person who is too worn out to go for a walk around the block.  So I decided to stop it.  Which sprouted this little gem.


I am the girl who laughs
I am the girl who flies by on her scooter
I am the girl who dances n the rain
I am the girl who sings at the top of her lungs when no one's listening
I am the girl who hugs her family close
I am the girl who loses her voice from cheering at her kids' soccer games
I am the girl who doesn't hold back
I am the girl who loves her God fiercely, totally, all out
I am the girl who loves her family like that, too
I am the girl who laughs at herself because everyone makes mistakes
I am the girl who will never hide again
I am the girl who lives every last drop out of this short life
I am the girl who lets her light shine.  And oh how it shines

Today it poured.  A big, fat, dumping rain.  My kids asked to play in the rain.  I hesitated before saying yes, butt then I said yes.  They were having so much fun.  I thought about my poem from yesterday as I watched them.  I thought about being boring and tired and made a choice.  I am not that girl anymore.  I took off my shoes and went dancing in the rain.  

Yes, that is a snake that David is holding way too close to my face

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