Tired of Living a "Safe" Faith...So I Jumped

There has never been a moment in my life where I thought I wasn't a Christian.  I was raised by two very strong Christian parents, I grew up in a very spiritually alive prayer group, I was baptized in the Holy Spirit when I was eight, I went to a Christian school from seventh grade until graduation.  I did the mission trip thing, the year of Christian service thing.  I married an equally strong Christian man, we have been raising our kids to be Christians, etc, etc.

And then about a year ago, God stepped in.

Wait.  What???

That's right.  About a year ago, God stepped in.

He started knocking down walls in my life.  He took satan's strongholds in my life and destroyed them like they were tinker toys.  Once He was done blasting my lifetime habit of being afraid and anxious, of avoiding social situations because talking to people in large groups gave me stomach pains, smashed my anger problems that were leading to my yelling at my kids a lot, and many other things, He started teaching me.

The Bible started to make a whole lot more sense.  The Holy Spirit revealed things to me that shook a lifetime of assumptions.  People who do outwardly sinful things are just like me--the only difference being that I am better at hiding my sin??  What??  I have a big list of "Rules To Be A Good Christian" in my mind, but all along these have been a stumbling block to a true relationship with God??  You mean there is only one rule that God insists that we follow??  To love Him and the love others??  That's it??

Mind blowing.

I started looking at people differently.  I no longer held them up against my "10-Step Program to Faith" litmus test.  Instead, I looked at them with God's eyes.  Eyes of love.  Eyes that see people.  Eyes that love people.

This is where God showed me something else.  I was a Christian my entire life.  Saved, going to heaven, and all that.  But I was living a safe faith.  A faith that was real, but it was comfortable, designed to get me to heaven unscathed.  And God stepped in and told me that safe faith is not enough.

He was calling me to a Messy Faith.  Faith that is messy and scary and wild and crazy and "step out of the boat and walk on water and come to Me," and keep on preaching even from prison.  This sort of faith isn't safe or comfortable, and it isn't going to keep me unscathed in the end.  But it's a whole lot more exciting and daring and it's the sort of faith that will move mountains and take risks for the sake of the gospel.

For months I have felt like I was standing at the edge of a cliff, with my toes dangling over the edge, waiting for God to say jump.  I couldn't figure out why I was still standing there.  When I was in Cancun, I wrestled with God ala Jacob style.  I prayed and wrestled the entire week basically demanding God tell me to jump.  I was growing weary of seeing all that space down there, knowing I needed to jump, but God just held me back.  Why??  I couldn't figure it out.  I left Cancun closer to God, but still without answers.  Back home I kept on praying, seeking the Lord for answers.  But He remained quiet.  I decided to stop asking and to just rest in Him and accept that He would tell me to jump when the time was right, and no needling and begging and wrestling was going to change that.

On Saturday, I jumped.

But I didn't jump alone.  While I was ready to jump before, Hubby wasn't there yet.  And God wasn't going to let me jump all by myself.  On Saturday the Hubs and I prayed the "Anything, Lord" prayer and jumped.

I don't know what's down there.  I have no idea where God will lead us.  The only promises that we have are that God will be with us, that He will equip us, that He will lead us, and that it will be messy and uncomfortable and not safe.  And I have never been so excited!