Monday, April 29, 2013

Hope...What Does That Even Look Like

There has been a lot of discussion about hope among my circle of friends lately.  What does it mean to have hope in Christ?  What does it mean to have hope for the future?  What does it mean to have hope for your every day life?  What does hope even look like?

I've been ruminating on this for a few weeks now and every day another little piece of the puzzle seems to come together for me until a picture is forming in my mind.

Yesterday I was chatting with my mom about the diet I am following because she recently purchased the Trim Healthy Mama book as well.  She was asking me what you would do once you got to your goal weight and were ready to eat "normal" again.  I told her about crossover meals, where you eat high protein, moderate fat and moderate carbs all in the same meal.  This is what you do so you stay the same and don't continue to lose weight.

To which I laughed.  Hahaha!!! I can't even imagine getting to my goal weight, let alone wanting to not lose more weight.  And so this morning when I stepped on the scale and saw a number I haven't seen in over eight years, I laughed.  I did a little dance.  And I realized that every time I step on the scale, I hope that the number will be smaller, but I have been disappointed so many times that I tell myself that it will be a higher number so I don't get my hopes up.  Or when I see a smaller number, I am excited, but doubt that it's for real.  Tomorrow it will go back up.  It's just a fluke.

I am doing this diet, following it 95% of the time, exercising, and seeing progress.  But in the back of my brain I am thinking that this won't really work.  I will just stall out after a few weeks.  I will never fit back into my wedding dress.  Etc, etc.

And then today I realized that this is how I approach God sometimes.  I sort of, kind of, maybe a little bit have hope that He will act.  But every time I pray, it's just like when I step on the scale--I tell myself that nothing will happen so I don't get my hopes up.  And then I am surprised and excited when God does act and my prayers are answered.

But this is immature hope.  It isn't the hope that God is calling me to have.  He wants me to have rock solid hope in both Him and in His ability to act.  It is easy to have hope for heaven and a future with God.  It is hard to hope that things will change here on earth.  It is hard to imagine that my Hubby's leg will ever miraculously be healed or that David will suddenly talk clearly without articulation errors.  It is beyond my imagination to hope that I will ever be as "fat" as I was back in high school (what was wrong with me back then when I thought I was so fat???).

And yet, these are exactly the things God is calling me to put my hope in Him for.  Hope for healing.  Hope for getting to a more healthy weight.  Hope for a future for my family both here on earth and in heaven.  God is telling me (us) that we are dreaming too small and praying too small.  God wants me (us) to dream big and pray big, hoping and believing and trusting that He will act.

When I pray, I am no longer going to pray with my eyes squeezed shut, afraid to see the answer like I do when I weigh myself.  I am going to pray with my eyes wide open, hoping, believing, waiting for miracles to happen.

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