Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Princess Lizzy is Seven!

My little Lizzy who still likes to stick her tongue out

Today is Lizzy's birthday!  What a day!  Last night Lizzy came out of her room at 8:30, 9:00, 9:30, and 10:00pm telling me that she couldn't sleep because she was just so excited about her birthday.  I remember those days of being so excited I couldn't sleep--birthdays, Christmas, the first day of school.

When I came out of my room this morning at 6:45am to have my prayer time, Lizzy and Joy were sitting on the couch staring at Lizzy's presents.  Thankfully Dad woke up a little earlier than normal so Lizzy could open her presents before he left for work.  

As we were opening presents, my Grandma called offering to take us out for breakfast.  We went to the local diner where the owner, Mike, put a candle in Lizzy's cinnamon roll and we sang happy birthday.  Then we had swim lessons where everyone sang to her--and just in case someone missed the fact that it was her birthday, she told them.  I took the kids out for lunch and Lizzy told the cashier it was her birthday.  We went to the grocery store and Lizzy stopped at least ten people, maybe more, to tell them it was her birthday.  Thankfully everyone she spoke to was kind and wished her a happy birthday.

Raising Lizzy has been quite a trip.  Seven years and ten months ago, I was the bread winner in my home.  Hubby is a year younger than me, plus he took a year off from college to do a GAP Year in Ireland doing mission work.  When we got married, he was still finishing up college while I had already graduated and had a job.  We waited until Hubby graduated and found a job before trying for baby number two knowing that I would be quitting my job to stay home.  The day Hubby was hired, we started trying.  Two weeks later I got a positive pregnancy test.  

Lizzy's unique fashion sense

Unfortunately, all was not smooth sailing.  I became resentful of this child growing in me.  I was suddenly a stay-at-home-mom after working for the past ten years.  I was incredibly independent and loathed having to rely on Hubby for money.  I had no clue how to take care of a house, how to spend 24 hours 7 days a week with a toddler without going crazy, how to not feel lonely.  It wasn't until the twenty week ultrasound where we saw this baby on the monitor that I started connecting with her.  We learned that we were having a girl and we named her right there in the ultrasound room while waiting for the doctor to come in.  

Lizzy playing with her camera

My pregnancy and delivery went well and I had no major issues like I did with David.  I experienced the baby blues, but as I'd dealt with it with David, I wasn't surprised.  But then the baby blues didn't go away.  I started really struggling.  I would forget to feed Lizzy,  a week would go by before I realized I hadn't bathed the kids, Lizzy's crying drove me crazy and I hated having to hold her, I hated being home so I was always going over to my mom's, grandma's or mother-in-law's houses.  I was either crying, irate, or indifferent the majority of the time.  I thought it was a spiritual problem so I didn't seek help.  Around when Lizzy was six months old, I finally bonded with her.  After about a year the craziness completely lifted and I returned to normal.  That's when I realized that what I'd gone through wasn't normal--I had just gone through a bad case of post-partum depression.  I had also had pregnancy depression which explains why I had such a hard time dealing with the pregnancy.  

How I wish I could get those two years of my life back and have a do-over where I sought help and treated my depression.  I can't even begin to explain how guilty I felt for the way I acted during Lizzy's first year of life.  I console myself by the fact that she was not irreversibly affected by actions.  

Opening her presents this morning

Lizzy has grown into a very happy, sweet, outgoing girl.  She loves people.  All people.  She will talk to anyone anywhere.  She makes everyone her friend.  She loves to make people happy, to make people feel loved.  She loves to make pictures for people, to write notes to her family, to give gifts, treats, and hugs.  She is the girl who notices that someone is being left out and will invite them to play.  She is the great organizer of fun--one day when I volunteered in her class last fall, Lizzy's friend came up to me and told me that Lizzy comes up with the best games at recess.  

I can't imagine my life without Lizzy in it.  She is a joy.  My Grandma has always called me her Sunshine Girl and I have passed that name on to Lizzy.  She truly is a Sunshine Girl.

No comments:

Post a Comment