Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Satan Wants Me Dead

An all too familiar scene of late

If I Were The Devil
By Tommy Nelson

If I was the devil, I'd tel you what I'd do.  I would try to deceive you and get you into error.  I would get you off base.  And if you still stayed true, I would try to disqualify you.  I would get you immoral, I would get you where no one would believe what came out of your mouth.  I would make you a tabloid, where nobody would believe you.  I would remove your confidence until you were afraid to speak because your life was a shamble.  I would get you into sin.  I would prowl like a roaring lion to devour you morally.

And if I couldn't do that, I would try to make you successful.  And I would distract you if I couldn't disqualify you.  I would get you busy.  I would get you so distracted to the gospel that no longer would your prayers be about holiness and souls.  They would only be about the bottom line in your business.  I would get you materialistic, and no longer concerned about the spiritual nature of life.  If I couldn't do that, I would divide you.  If I couldn't divide you, I've almost lost you.  You know what I'd do then?  I'd discourage you.  And then if I couldn't discourage you, I'd try death.  I would try my best to kill you.  That's what I would do to take you out.

I read this little gem a few weeks ago in a book called Anything: The Prayer That Unlocked My God and My Soul by Jennie Allen.  (An incredibly awesome book that I recommend everyone read right now)

I thought about this passage for a while and related it to all those pastors who fall into adultery or embezzlement or self importance.  But I didn't really connect it so much to myself.  Until today when I was ruminating on the fact that I have had two freak hospital stays in the past 4 months.  Seriously.  Who does that???  It just doesn't make sense.


1. I am the healthiest I have ever been.  I have lost 40 pounds.  I am eating way better than I ever have in my entire life.  I haven't had a "normal" sickness in over a year--not a sniff, not a sniffle.

2. I have never been hospitalized outside of pregnancy and a brush with the flu when I was 2.

3. I am not a baby when it comes to pain.  I went through 2 c-sections, 1 normal delivery, and an appendectomy and only ever required tylenol for post pain.  Narcotics?  No thank you.  Pass the tylenol.

So why have I been hospitalized twice this winter?  (Technically it was in the late fall and early spring, but with this winter???  It's all just winter to me.)

And then this passage came back to me.  I had to look it up. To see the list of ways the devil attacks.  To see where I am on the list.  (Mostly, am I near the end yet???)

Living in error?  Check.  I had a lot of crazy ideas in my younger years about parenting and marriage and life in general that got me off track.

Immoral disqualifying?  Check.  While I didn't go off the deep end, I didn't exactly have the best track record in college.  For a long time afterwards, I definitely lived with the shame of past decisions and the consequences to my reputation.

Successful distraction?  Check.  I let consumerism and a full time job distract me just fine.  My life was consumed with my work and buying things.  That took a while to overcome.

Divide you?  Check, check.  Major marital problems that came close to dividing us.  Major issues over decisions made in our prayer group that led to us pulling away for a while.

Discouragement?  Check.  I would say hitting my lowest low ever and having a panic attack would qualify here.

Death?  Check, check.  And check, check, check, check.  Geesh!  There was the 2 hospitalizations.  Preeclampsia with David.  Falling over a waterfall when I was a preteen.  Nearly falling over a cliff in the Badlands when I was in high school.  And the brush with the flu that led to dehydration so severe that it nearly killed me when I was 2.

When you add it all up, a gal has to wonder, just what are God's plans for me that make me such a threat???  Why is the devil trying to off me?  Other than the obvious--because I love Jesus.  Obviously I am not done here.  I may be 35 and sometimes feel like I'm not doing much or accomplishing anything for the Lord, but the Lord isn't done with me yet.  He still has big plans for me that are scary to the devil.

It makes me feel all tingly inside just thinking about it.  Woohoo!!  Bring it on, God!!

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