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| Head first body sledding--Lizzy is all in |
Almost two years ago I started on a weight loss journey. I bought a copy of Trim Healthy Mama and got right to work losing weight. I dropped 45 lbs in six months and had never felt better. But then life took over, motivation waned, unrelated health issues sucked the energy out of me, and I started coasting. I still followed Trim Healthy Mama most of the time. Just enough to maintain my weight but not enough to lose. Until the past six months where I've started gaining back a few of the pounds I'd lost. Until today where I've put back on ten of those hard earned pounds.
Of course I've told myself over the past year and a half that I needed to stick with the program 100%. Of course I've berated myself about being undisciplined, unmotivated, lazy. I've talked the program up to anyone who asked, I've helped others understand this way of eating and given lots of suggestions for where to buy the less common foods that make THM more enjoyable. I've prayed and made small attempts to jump start my weight loss again.
But nothing has stuck.
I was praying about a few things this week--things in my life that I'd like to do, that I've dreamed of doing, but have never actually done. Those dreams you have that are bigger than life and seem impossible but somehow you know you'll never be completely whole, completely you until you've pursued them.
Then I started reading a book, The Best Yes by Lysa Terkeurst. And something clicked. She said, "A woman who lives with the stress of an overwhelmed schedule will often ache with the sadness of an underwhelmed soul. An underwhelmed soul is one who knows there is more God made her to do. She longs to do that thing she wakes up in the middle of the night thinking about...Time marches on without ever seeing her thing come into being. What if we dared to take time to write out that new height or new big goal for our lives? The thing we want but never really plan for? And write down the first steps for accomplishing that thing? And actually schedule time to work on those first steps?"
And I started to think about all the things in my life that I want, all those things that my soul craves, all those resolutions I made a month ago, all those wishes and dreams that I shove aside and never act on, all those passions that God has placed in me that I have ignored. This is where I have relegated losing weight over the past 18 months. Something I wanted but wasn't willing to go all in for.
Today while waiting for the shower water to warm up, I looked in the mirror. I saw all my lumpy bumpy-ness and was sad. Sad that I quit. Sad that I let life get in the way and suck away my motivation. And I wanted that weight loss. I wanted to stop farting around and doing a half-arsed job at reclaiming my health. Because I am tired of dragging around this extra weight. Tired of watching all my hard work just slip away one pound at a time. Tired of not finishing what I started.
Yes, I am still Lisa no matter what I weigh or how I look. I am still beautiful no matter what the scale says. But almost two years ago I started this journey with a goal--to get into my "healthy weight" range. I started out with a BMI that put me in the obese range and I cheered when I crossed over into being merely overweight. But I am not content, or done, until I finish this. No more wishing and wanting and dreaming and hoping with no actual action. As of right now I am all in.
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